Chuck vs the Con
by rachel-rage
Summary: Josh Schwartz, please read the following instructions. 1. Pick up foot. 2. Insert into mouth. Ali Adler forever! UPDATED- Chapter 2 has another Chuck character's reaction to some new news on its way out.
1. Chapter 1

Just a little one shot- poking fun at the...ahem... aggravated response of some Chuck fans (myself included) to the news from Comic Con. Thanks to OldDarth for his reviewing skills on this. Enjoy!

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Chuck was hunched over at his computer desk, avidly scrolling through pages and pages of information. Sarah was lounging on his bed, absentmindedly soaking up the pure comfort she felt in his presence. Every so often she'd glance at him with bored amusement, and every so often he'd give a little gasp.

"I hope you're not flashing and you aren't about to karate chop me to death," Sarah said playfully, but frowned when Chuck gave her no response.

The news from Comic-Con, she gathered, was quite interesting. Normally, Sarah was quite content to simply let Chuck be the nerd he was- she'd watch and occasionally join in on his Call of Duty marathons (she was _awful_, and had even considered buying the stupid game herself so she could get better), she went to see the nerdy movies simply so she could rest her head on his arm, and she laughed at every one of his jokes, but the steady stream of news from San Diego had kept them inside for four straight days, and she desperately needed sunshine and fresh air.

Eventually, Sarah stood and rested her arms on the back of Chuck's shoulders. Eyeing the rapidly scrolling screen, she whispered directly into his ear, "Now what could possibly be so interesting that you would rather read about it than take a walk with me?"

Chuck's head barely turned.

"Us. Our, I mean, we're on here. This is all news about us."

"What?! Chuck, is our cover blown?" Sarah stopped lazily glancing at the screen and started paying attention.

"No, this is all about…our relationship. It seems to be the only news coming out of Comic-Con." He looked up at her, eyes wide, and she scrunched up her eyebrows. She knew that they were far from a regular couple, but what normal, well-adjusted member of society cared about whether or not she was with Chuck in an open, committed relationship?

"Well," Sarah said, pulling up a chair, "what are they saying? Go to the page you were just on, there were a bunch of quotes." Chuck hit the back button and there was a sudden flood of information. Chuck and Sarah both read silently, until…  
"…She becomes his Kryptonite? Sarah, why would you become my kryptonite? That's just ridiculous, I mean…" He trailed off at the blank look in Sarah's eyes. "Kryptonite, Sarah? Really? As in, the metal from Krypton? Detrimental affect on Superman? Red underwear, blue tights? No bells ringing here?"

"I will neither admit nor deny not knowing what the hell kryptonite is."

Chuck stared at her incredulously for just a few more seconds, her blush growing from a pink tint to a full on, strawberry glow all over her face.

"Alright! Got it! Moving on! What else do they say, Chuck?" Shaking his head, Chuck turned back to the computer screen, fearing the worst. "Hang on, Chuck." Sarah tremulously lifted one hand to point at the screen. "What's that?"

Chuck scrolled up and audibly gulped as he read out loud.

"Something very emotional and traumatic is going to happen between Chuck and Sarah," Chuck read. "Sarah…what could that possibly be talking about?" Sarah's eyes were dark. When, when would she finally be able to be with Chuck without constantly being on edge? If it wasn't the mission, it was General Beckman, or it was Casey, and now this? Now some 'emotional and traumatic event'? Would it ever quit?

"I don't know, Chuck." But inside, Sarah's mind was reeling. In her line of work, emotional and traumatic meant death.

"Sarah, it couldn't be…I mean, we're all safe, right? You, and me and Casey, and my family?"

Sarah looked down at Chuck, again surprised at how well he could read her.

"Chuck, I will never let anyone hurt you, or your family. And Casey and I are perfectly safe, I promise." He sighed. "Who is this puny little twerp anyway?" Sarah asked.

"Um, I think that's Josh Schwartz. He made Gossip Girl and the OC. Not really my kind of TV shows." Chuck laughed at the thought. "They're essentially the same thing but on opposite coasts." Sarah grimaced. Lifestyles of the young and rich didn't really interest her when she'd grown up on the run with her father.

"Hang on, Chuck, what's that link? 'Romantic writer video'? Chuck clicked the link and a video of a petite, brunette woman popped up.

"I wanna thank you so much for inspiring us, driving us forward, we love our fans, when we write, you're our muse…" Chuck and Sarah watched the video with bated breath.

When Jenny Burton's picture cropped up onscreen, Sarah nearly growled, and Chuck had to fake a sneeze to cover his laughter. Sarah popped him lightly on the back of the head and rumbled, "Shut up." When this Adler woman panned to the shot of Chuck and Sarah's wedding portrait, both their hands flew to their mouths.

"Oh, shit," They murmured together. "But, wait…" Sarah said, "She's telling us that she wants this. Maybe she can fix this whole mess with that Schwartz guy?"

Ali Adler continued her speech. "…I'm rooting as hard as you are. Please bear with us." Chuck sat back in his chair, and Sarah sat heavily on his bed.

"Well, see Sarah?" Chuck said brightly, after swallowing and wringing his hands. "It's not that bad!"

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Fin. Funny or dumb? Review? Gracias.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hm, an update for a supposed one-shot? Wow wow wow. Exciting, right?! Anyway, this update was inspired by some recent news, I'm sure soon you'll all know what I'm talking about. You have **Mikki13** to thank for the update, and so do I- I read her review just as I was hit by inspiration for the story. Thanks for the lovely review!

Also- the timeline for my creation of this story goes reading Mikki's review at about 8:30 in the morning, class from 9-9:50 where the idea grew, written in just over an hour, and published at 11:00AM.. If there are any spelling/grammar/factual mistakes due to the hastiness of my work, please let me know!

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Sarah was lounging comfortably on Chuck's messy bed, rereading her most recent mission report and waiting for Chuck to come home from his training session when she heard a strangled growl from outside the window. Spy senses not dulled in the slightest, she leapt from the bed and was at the windowsill in a heartbeat, knife at the ready and eyes narrowed ever so slightly. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Behind her, the door opened, and she whirled and threw her knife, only to see it planted in the doorframe just to the right of Chuck's head.

Chuck smiled at Sarah's horrified face, yanked the knife out, and inspected the new mark to join all the similar ones on the top of his door. Running his hand over the small grooves in the wood, he shrugged his shoulders and turned to Sarah.

"Aw, and you were doing so well! You haven't thrown a knife at me in two weeks!" Chuck said, in mock sincerity.

As she crossed the room, Sarah looked appropriately sheepish. "Sorry, Chuck, I heard some sort of weird growl outside, I didn't know what it was."

Strangely, at this, Chuck started to laugh. Sarah loved hugging him when he was laughing; the rumbles in his chest tickled her.

"What, Chuck? Do you know what it was?" Chuck was turning red in the face trying not to laugh, but failing miserably.

"It," Chuck started, but had to stop to breathe, "It was Casey! He um…heard some bad news today."

"Well, Chuck," Sarah said, frustrated, "What was it?"

"Here, why don't I show you," Chuck said as he strode over to his computer. Clicking quickly, and typing even faster, almost faster than Sarah could see, he swiftly pulled up a page entitled The Hollywood Reporter. Sarah scanned the page, but could see nothing that would upset Casey.

"Some stupid cop show cancelled? NBC has to pay a penalty? Big deal, Chuck. Now, what's going on with Casey?"

Chuck snorted again, holding back his laughter with difficulty. "The lead…on the show," he had to stop again to breathe, and Sarah rolled her eyes, "is-was Ben McKenzie."

"Okay, another blonde pretty boy playing a cop? I guess that's something Casey would be angry at… Seriously Chuck, I don't get it." Sarah had about had it- there were more knives strapped to her leg and accidents do happen.

Chuck flopped onto the bed, finally controlling his laughter, and pulled Sarah down to sit beside him. "Okay, you know how Casey has that extensive DVD collection? Neil Diamond in concert, World at War, all those Reagan speeches?"

"Yeah," Sarah said slowly, "But I don't see how that has anything to do with this."

"Well, those aren't the only DVDs he has. He's got this certain…show….the full collection on DVD."

"Wait. Casey's upset…because Southland was cancelled. The lead on Southland was…" Chuck watched as the light bulb clearly went off in Sarah's head. Her eyes, so luminous to begin with, brightened even further, and a pleased glow rose to her cheeks. "Casey's a fan of THE O.C?!?"

The two started laughing mercilessly, doubled over, clutching their stomachs.

Suddenly, an even louder grunt rang throughout the courtyard, the deep and rough sound permeating Chuck's room. "BARTOWSKI! I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE!"

Chuck slowly made his way to his very favorite lamp, and whispered into it, "Sorry, Casey. It just sort of…slipped out!" Again he exploded in laughter, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Come on, Sarah; let's go cheer the big guy up. If he's this angry in my afternoon training session, I may just not come back."

Chuck and Sarah rose, walking hand in hand through the empty apartment. Only stopping to chivalrously open the door for her, they made their way across the courtyard, trying to school their features before knocking on the Colonel's door.

"Wait, Chuck. Maybe you should, um, stand behind me. Or in the house. Or maybe you should just go back to training now?" Sarah looked a little worried, and in response, Chuck rolled his eyes. "I just get the feeling he will not be thrilled to see you." Chuck rolled his eyes again, but obliged, moving to stand half concealed behind her as she raised her hand to knock on his door.

It took two more knocks and an, "Open up, Casey!" before he finally came to the door.

"What. Do. You. Want?," he said. Casey looked awful. In his normal "George Wilson" pajamas, the big man looked intimidating enough. But now, in wrinkled ROTC sweatpants, an "RIP Marissa" tee-shirt, and a black armband stretched over his massive bicep, Casey just looked sad.

Chuck and Sarah took one look at him and started to grin.

"What?! Ben McKenzie is an artist. An ARTIST! This is a TRAVESTY!"

There was nothing left to do for Chuck and Sarah but to burst into laughter again. Casey snarled and slammed the door in their faces. As they quieted, trying to contain their mirth, they heard Casey distinctly muttering, "NBC my left foot!"

"Wait, wait, Casey, I know something that'll cheer you up, I promise," Chuck called into the window. "Come on, open up!" Sarah looked at Chuck warily, trying to gauge his true intentions. He could be serious, or he could be using this opportunity to really give it to the big man.

Casey yanked the door open, his face truly terrifying.

"WHAT, BARTOWSKI?"

In the face of danger, Chuck looked a little less impish and a little more scared, but decided to forge ahead.

"Well, Casey, I just heard some news on the way back from training I thought might cheer you up." Sarah stared at Chuck again, at this point almost worried for his well-being.

"Out with it, Bartowski, I don't have all day. They're running a marathon later!"

Sarah snorted most unbecomingly and Chuck was shaking with silent laughter again as he prepared himself to say what he was going to say. Only Sarah could have caught his slight tensing up, as if he was prepared to run away.

"Well," Again, he had to stop to control his laughter, "I just thought you should know, President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. For being a beacon of peace. After eight months in office."

Suddenly, Chuck took off, sprinting away. Sarah, dumbfounded, turned to look at Casey, who was turning red. She watched warily as his face turned purple, and then blue.

"BARTOWSKI!"


End file.
